You might be asking yourself whether you could be a perfectionist, based on feedback you’ve received at work or from friends and loved ones, or based on what behaviors you believe that perfectionists engage in.

Broadly, perfectionism is defined as a combination of excessively high standards and overly critical self-evaluation (Frost et al., 1990). This post will (1) discuss signs that perfectionism might be holding you back and (2) provide three categories of perfectionism.

Signs that perfectionism might be holding you back

• Black-and-white thinking pattern

• Procrastination

• Unrealistic standards and an overemphasis on outcomes

• Inflexibility

• Attempt to take control of every aspect of a project, meeting, etc.

• Fear of making mistakes (rarely take risks or try a new activity)

• Overly critical of self and/or others

• Constant need to prove yourself

• Overpreparation

• Burnout

Three categories of perfectionism

A well-studied multidimensional model of perfectionism (Hewitt & Flett, 1991) proposes three types or dimensions of perfectionism. Do you identify with one or more of these dimensions? If so, which one(s)?

1.     Self-oriented perfectionism

• You hold unrealistic expectations for yourself.

• There is an over-emphasis on being perfect.

• You possess an excessive concern for making mistakes and avoiding failure.

• You judge yourself harshly.

• You put enormous pressure on yourself to meet the outcome or end goal.

• This is not to be confused with having high standards and also allowing some room to make mistakes, which doesn’t come at the cost of your wellbeing. 

For example, at work, you aim to get perfect ratings from your colleagues on your 360 evaluations as part of your annual review, but you feel paralyzed by fear and overwhelm. You think that your colleagues are bound to find mistakes in your work, including how and what you communicate. You find yourself overpreparing for team meetings, so you don’t look and sound incompetent, but you also procrastinate on projects because you’re afraid that you’ll make mistakes in your deliverables. At the same time, you happen to be an athlete who is trying to qualify for the Boston Marathon. You place enormous pressure on yourself to run more mileage and fit in all of your workouts – as scheduled – at the expense of spending time with your friends and family. You have a hard time taking days off when you get sick or get injured, so you push through pain and illness, believing that doing so will allow you to finally run a qualifying time.

2.     Socially prescribed perfectionism

• You believe that other people, such as your parents, romantic partner, or boss, set unrealistic expectations for you.

• You perceive that other people judge you harshly if you don’t meet their standards.

• You believe that you must be perfect or make no mistakes to gain the approval of other people.

 For example, your family expected you to become a doctor because everyone else in your family is in medicine. However, your interests and strengths lie in history and literature and you think you would have preferred to be a lawyer or history professor instead of a doctor. However, while you were in college, you begrudgingly completed the pre-med requirements and majored in Biology because you were afraid of letting your family down. You earned an A average in all of these requirements and went through grueling medical training at the expense of your health and seeing friends and family. As a current physician, you have been unhappy in your profession for many years and realize that your unhappiness stems from going into this career to please your family and to avoid being judged, not due to a genuine interest in medicine and being in a helping profession.

3.     Other-oriented perfectionism

• Your perfectionistic expectations are directed toward other people, such as your friends, romantic partner, or children.

• You set unrealistic expectations for other people in your life.

• You tend to be highly critical of other people’s performance.

For example, you’re a high school teacher who expects your students to put in their absolute best effort. If it seems like they show you anything less than perfection – based on discussion and test scores – you call them out in front of your class, usually making belittling comments. You can’t stand to be around people, especially other teachers, students, and their parents, who have lower standards than you. You notice that your high standards have earned you the least popular and least liked teacher. At home, you also make belittling comments to your spouse and children whenever they fall short in everything. You call your spouse out on cooking food that isn’t good enough, among many other grievances. With your children, you scold them when they don’t wash the dishes the way you taught them and punish them for bringing home less than A average report cards. These expectations at home have led to your family noticeably distancing themselves from you.

While some of these examples seem exaggerated, I did so to note that these types of expectations (and the pervasiveness of them) don’t always feel exaggerated in the mind of someone who is dealing with multidimensional perfectionism.

To find out what type of perfectionist you are, complete this measure.

References

Frost, R.O., Marten, P., Lahart, C., & Rosenblate, R. (1990). The dimensions of perfectionism. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 14(5), 449-468.

Hewitt, P.L. & Flett, G.L. (1991). Perfectionism in the self and social contexts: Conceptualization, assessment, and association with psychopathology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(3), 456-470. https://hewittlab.sites.olt.ubc.ca/files/2014/11/Hewitt-Flett-1991-Perfectionism-in-the-self-and-social-contexts-conceptualization-assessment-and-association-with-psychopathology.pdf